If the Leather Fits

by Rob Lent
Xena had torn her leather, and was trying to mend it. Xena said "This would be a lot easier to mend if I had something to hang it on." She peered over to Gabrielle. Gabrielle shook her head and said "No way. The last time I put your leathers on so you could mend it, you poked me with the needle."

Xena muttered underher breath "Like it was a mortal wound...." A wicked grin crossed Xena's face. "Oh, Joxer...."


Xena explained to Joxer what she wanted him to do. Joxer shook his head furiously and said "I'm not going to dress up like a girl. You can't make me....."


Xena and Gabrielle finished getting Xena's leather onto Joxer. "You can't make me, you can't make me, you can't make me." Xena said "Is that your final word?" Joxer said "Yes" firmly, and then looked down at the leather he was wearing, and shrugged.

Xena finished the alterations to her leather, paused, and this time, a truly evil grin crossed her face. She turned to whisper to Gabrielle. The same evil grin crossed Gabrielle's face. Gabrielle said to Joxer "Just wait there for a minute, we're almost done."

Xena and Gabrielle went back to their bags, returned with Xena's breastplate, chakram and a black wig. Joxer said "Where did you get a black wig?" "Never mind that, Joxer" Gabrielle replied. Xena put the breastplate on Joxer, while Gabrielle put the wig on his head. Xena and Gabrielle tried not to laugh too much. Xena put the chakram in Joxer's hand.

Xena mimed holding the chakram in the air, and said "Go ahead, Joxer, hold it like this." Joxer frowned, but did as he was asked. "You know, I don't see what this has to do with fixing your leather." Xena and Gabrielle both started laughing. Gabrielle said "Come on, Joxer, try to do the Xena yell." Joxer leaned his head back, and did the best "yiyiyiyiyi!" that he could. It wasn't a bad attempt. The two women fell to the ground laughing.

Just then, some warlords approached the camp from two sides. Xena took the chakram, and headed off to meet the larger group. The sounds of battle emerged from the far side of the group, while the leader of the warlord band charged toward Joxer.

The warlord approached Joxer, with his sword drawn, and then paused before Joxer. He fell to his knees in front of Joxer. "By the Gods - the Warrior Princess. You're even more beautiful that I had imagined." Joxer looked around - Xena was out of sight, what could he... "Oh," Joxer thought.

The Warlord bellowed out "Stop fighting! Put away your swords!" His warriors disengaged from battle, and warriors came toward their leader, with Xena and Gabrielle observing curiously.

Gabrielle said "Shouldn't we....", but Xena merely raised a finger to her lips. "Let's let this play out" she said.

The warlord said to Joxer "Xena... my name is Androlous. Your beauty... It has made me a changed man. Forgive me for doing battle with your forces."

Joxer looked to Xena, who made a "go with it" gesture. Joxer said "If you want my forgiveness, then from this day forward, fight for good instead of evil." Androlous rose and said "Thank you Xena, I will do as you ask. I will make you proud." He assembled his troops, and prepared to leave. Just before leaving, he turned to Joxer and said "The tall one - that must be Joxer, right?" Xena's eyes narrowed dangerously, and Joxer said with a gleam in his eye "Yes, you're right, that is Joxer."

Once the warlords were gone, Joxer gave an evil grin of his own to Xena. Xena managed a small smirk herself. "Turnabout is fair play, I guess," she thought to herself.


Later that day, Joxer approached Gabrielle. "Ummm, Gabrielle, you remember that green top you used to wear? Could I borrow it?" Wide eyed and stunned, Gabrielle handed it over to Joxer, who walked away whistling the Joxer the Mighty song.

Gabrielle turned toward Xena and said "Xena... what have we created?" Xena was laughing too hard to answer.

No disrespect is intended to the the characters or actors, or to anyone associated with Xena: Warrior Princess. This represents no one else's views other than my very warped and deranged sense of humor.